do you know what? if someone will want to harm me or my family i will try to prevent him from doing so, including hurting or killig him
but untill that happens, i want to feel compassion to my beloved wife - even in hard times
compassion towards my best friend who is about to do something […]
my heart warms when i think “if only”
if only i would have said this or that
if only i would have done this or that
how good would it feel
how good would i seem
i would have not suffered now
the buddha does not bother himself with if only
the buddha is always here and now
if only i was buddha
my son pulled out from somewhere the installation disk of the computer game half life.
i played the game, after years of not playing.
i forgot how fun it was.
the adrenaline, the addiction to the adrenaline.
but i also noticed how artificial this adrenaline was.
like porn adrenaline.
it’s not that he doesn’t believe me.
he doesn’t believe anyone.
there is no point in communicating to him that i am hurt.
there is no point in proving him he is wrong.
i have to internally process my hurting.
i need to realize when it is general and when it is personal and then do something about it.
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