this

apology

The phone ringed after 9PM

She said I apologize for the hour but…

I said don’t apologize. Call tomorrow morning.

But it’s urgent.

Call tomorrow morning.

there’s place for optimism

my car stalled in the middle of a junction

the car behind me didn’t honk

Pee

it is written all over that the ideal way of life is “eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired”.

i cannot even get up at night when i need to pee.

no-pathy

can someone with low self awareness be empathic?

a stone

a stone rolled from my heart

into someone elses hand

it should not be this way

bullshit

even in the greatest spritual bullshit, one can find something to take and learn

change

how are you?

i don’t want to think about it

i understand. there are two options (there probably more)

you  don’t want to think about the effort it will take you to move to another place

you don’t want to think about the efforts it will take you to change your attitude towards the place you are now

hitler

do you know what? if someone will want to harm me or my family i will try to prevent him from  doing so, including hurting  or killig him

but untill that happens, i want to feel compassion to my beloved wife - even in hard times

compassion towards my best friend who is about to do something i totally disapprove

compassion to my boss or a colleague

compassion to the bastard drivering in front of me

if only

my heart warms when i think “if only”

if only i would have said this or that

if only i would have done this or that

how good would it feel

how good would i seem

i would have not suffered now

the buddha does not bother himself with if only

the buddha is always here and now

if only i was buddha

half a life

my son pulled out from somewhere the installation disk of the computer game half life.

i played the game, after years of not playing.

i forgot how fun it was.

the adrenaline, the addiction to the adrenaline.

but i also noticed how artificial this adrenaline was.

like porn adrenaline.